This Is The Rain

by Julz Evans

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1.
I think this deck has been shuffled so much now The cards are almost back to where they were And I'll sit here holding them while you sleep And the sun reminds me of where we were But I could do this for hours longer I'm not going back, not going back to sleep And your eyes they're beautiful when they open That is enough to wait for Well I guess my body was so filled up with The words that I need to sing That I tried to swim in that water ice cold But the floating feeling, it seemed more like sinking I could've stayed there for hours longer As my tears froze, tears froze on my cheeks And my eyes were difficult just to keep open You know I'll never go back there I'll watch these blank TV screens (next to you but so alone) Tell me please what she means to you (you don't have to answer me) We'll stay out late, watch these days fade away As I wait for nothing (won't you just throw me a bone as I wait for nothing) Nothing's enough I'll keep breathing, see me reading so much (screaming out and grinding my teeth) Don't feel the need to change for me (don't ever change for me) But time will find a worthy line (I'll be OK) To blind our minds from conscious I could've stayed there for hours longer I'm not going back, tears froze on my cheeks And your eyes are beautiful when they open That is enough to wait for I could do this for hours longer My tears froze, I'm not going back to sleep And my eyes were difficult just to keep open You know I'll never go back there Nothing's enough to hold on to
2.
Locked Out 04:01
If you raise it, I'll call it But my mouth is shut as far as it can go Heart racing, I'm coming Well you won't draw much blood from this stone I've tasted, now I want in You benefit my doubt You try to bring me out And I won't answer your questions But I do want you around I want you around I can see you flying But my shoes have glued themselves right to the ground And I have been trying And I've got all the instructions written down On my feet, just waiting You benefit my doubt You try to bring me out And I won't answer your questions But I do want you around When you are here with me I feel like I get lifted And I wish that I could stay here Alone without drifting Off course, but of course I do Drifting off course, but of course I will
3.
When you can't take any more And you fall to my floor And as you cling for dear life to these tired legs of mine I will stare, of course I care As I feel your body shake And your spine bend and break As your tears escape seal I forget how that feels I'm elsewhere, but I swear I'll be long gone But I promise not to hold on And I will pledge through song That I will not be present I'll reteach you a lesson About becoming dependent on me And I will stand beside the fact that I'll still Play with my words before I eat them And I'll be damned if I will ever like their taste But I'll still repeat them When you are broken and bruised With only me left to lose As I turn, walk away, you will hear me say Now I know, well I told you so As you pick yourself back up Know I'll never call your bluff You're still just as you were: a sad, lost little girl Off you go and I'm slow You'll be long gone But I promise not to hold on And I will pledge through song That I will not be pleasant You will not get my blessin' And you sure as hell won't get to see me And I will stand beside the fact that I'll still Play with my words before I eat them And I'll be damned if I will ever like their taste But I'll still repeat them Thanking me for doing half the job was your kiss of death Until you're free I'd rather dwell on the past Than come back just yet I will write 200 songs About the same thing if I want But you will never hear them all, there will always be a wall I miss us, and I miss our past
4.
Let's fly back to La-La Land Where everything was easy And everything felt like a dream Because the smell of your Georgio And of my breakfast triggers memories Of a worriless time When it was just us And we didn't bother with anyone else 'cos nobody else was trying to hurt us This is the rain My dad he used to say He says when it's raining you should always train 'cos that's when the other team is lazy Then you beat them that week You get better and they get worse Well anyway, this is the rain When we met I was so intrigued By your honest way of thinking And your frank and naked mind Now your body has been stripped to the bone Pushed past limits by those closest to you And I see you floored, injured, in pain But I also see your flaws disappearing Your body in its most editable state Oh my darling this is the rain You will be stronger than ever This is why we're better than them This is why we're better than them This is the rain
5.
I sold up and signed that dotted line It wasn’t a contract, but in my mind It was enrolment to everything I needed It was commitment to everything I never wanted But I followed you out onto that bridge I balanced along that ledge with you When you threw your weight over the edge I exhausted every last bit of strength To hold you down, to hold you down I had nothing left, my energy was spent My body aching, breaking and dripping in sweat You were slipping out of my arms you were slipping The silence after that violent storm Left us sitting there bruised and torn And then a hug was everything I ever needed And then a kiss was everything I never wanted Just don’t ever jump Please tell me you won’t Say you give up It’s too far to jump Just don’t ever jump, don’t ever crash Don’t ever hurt yourself, it’s too far to jump

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released October 14, 2014

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Julz Evans Melbourne, Australia

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